7 Relationship Quotients
Posted by Sangeeta on May 15, 2008
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(1) Parent-Child Relationship : This reflects the relationship between parents and their children. A very sensitive, sentimental, to be nourished and nurtured relationship which knows no bounds.
(2) Sibling Relationship : This reflects the relationship between brothers and sisters in a family. Again, this is a true, to the heart, love and hate relationship.
(3) Family-Relative Relationship : This reflects the relationship within a family and the related relatives - both from paternal and maternal sides.
(4) Father-in-Law & Son-in-Law / Mother-in-Law & Daughter-in-Law Relationship : These types of relationships have their ups and downs. How far the girl’s father accepts her husband or how far the boy’s mother accepts his wife is reflected in such a relationship. Mostly, these relationships are a mixture of love and hate. The most unwanted and time-wasting results are seen in mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationships.
(5) Business Relationship : This reflects the relationship with people connected to your business, directly or indirectly, or your relationship with people with whom you are doing some business.
(6) Friends’ Relationship : This reflects the relationship with friends, close and far and deals in more emotional factors rather than happy-go-lucky factors.
(7) Romantic Relationship : This reflects the sentimental, emotional, sensational, highly exciting relationship between partners, married or unmarried.
11 SIMPLE DON’Ts : RESTAURANT MANNERS
Posted by Sangeeta on May 14, 2008
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(1) Don’t keep mobiles, car keys, bags, wallets on the table.
(2) While drinking, don’t cross the limit. If you are having snacks with it, don’t try to fill yourself up with it.
(3) The moment food is served, don’t start eating immediately - wait till everyone is ready for it and start together.
(4) Don’t make noise while eating.
(5) While eating, don’t laugh out loud or talk loud.
(6) While eating, don’t make too many body gestures like shaking legs or trying to explain something with spoon or knife in hand or humming to yourself and shaking head.
(7) If some food item is kept at quite a distance from you, don’t try to jump over the plates and bowls and take it; ask someone to pass it to you.
(8) If you don’t like certain food on your plate, don’t play with it. Just push it aside on your plate or politely ask for another plate.
(9) If you don’t like something about the restaurant or its service, don’t shout or create a scene. Handle the situation effectively.
(10) If you have to call the waiter or the manager, don’t shout or whistle or wave out.
(11) If you are in a restaurant treating people, never let the guests know the amount of the bill. It is considered as bad manners.
9 SIMPLE DO’s : RESTAURANT MANNERS
Posted by Sangeeta on May 14, 2008
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I must say that it surprises me and saddens me when I see people eating in restaurants minus the restaurant or table mannerisms. Yes, yes, people will say what’s the use of all these; that they go there to eat and enjoy; why should others bother how they eat - after all, they are paying and so, they will do anything they want. Ignorant attitude!
Anyway, the next time you go to restaurants for lunch or dinner, remember the following:-
(1) While entering a restaurant, wait for the gatekeeper to open the door for you. Do not barge in - this happens many a times.
(2) Let the ladies and elders enter first, then the children and finally you.
(3) Help the ladies to seat by taking out the chairs for them. Try to avoid making sounds while pulling a chair.
(4) If you decide the menu for all, know the others’ likes and dislikes; if you don’t know, ask them and then order. Don’t order for all as per your taste.
(5) If you don’t understand certain write ups about food in a menu card, say, for example - you see Chicken Stroganoff and immediate below a two line explanation as to what it is and still you are confused, ask the manager or the person who is taking the order, what it is instead of just blankly ordering and then, not eating it because of the taste which does not satisfy your palette.
(6) First order for drinks and little snacks (if you are a drinker); then go for the main food and finally, some light dessert.
(7) Use knives, forks, spoons according to the food ordered (for example - you have ordered for some gravy item and you try to serve it to others with a dessert spoon…. this is not done or you ask for cutlets and instead of using a knife and a fork, you try to use spoon ….. this is also not done).
(8) You pay the bill (if everyone is pulling in, don’t take money from them then and there in front of others; this can be done after you leave the restaurant).
(9) Whatever you talk or discuss, make sure it is in low voice and polite.
“THE ABYSSINIAN BOY”
Posted by Sangeeta on May 11, 2008
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I have recently completed editing ‘The Abyssinian Boy’ written by Onyeka Nwelue (to know more about him, go to my blogroll). It is a very intriguing, well-woven and well-balanced story.
With a fascination for India and a deep desire to know the Indians very closely, the young and aspiring author, Onyeka Nwelue has travelled through some Indian states, mixing with people, knowing their culture and traditions and whatever he has learnt, has given birth to his book, ‘The Abyssinian Boy’. This book is his very first novel which highlights an inter-racial relationship at the back drop of India and Nigeria. Inter-racial marriages, like inter-caste marriages, are taken with a pinch of salt in India where caste, creed, race and culture are valued very deeply.
The main character of this story, Rajaswamy Rajagopalan, hails from a South Indian Tamil Brahmin family who marries an East Nigerian Christian woman, Eunice and both are totally in love with each other. Their son, David is in a dilemma why his paternal grandfather dislikes his mother and at the same time, why his maternal grandparents do not, somehow, like his father. Rajaswamy’s mother, Swathi and sister, Vimala (a divorcee because she comes to know that her husband is a bisexual) along with her son, Raghu, stays with Rajaswamy while his father has left the house because of him marrying Eunice, only later realizes his mistake and comes back.
Other very important aspects of this story (where the author has tried to show a mix of Indian caste and culture) are firstly, a Kashmiri muslim maid (earlier days, muslims were strictly not allowed to work in Hindu families, especially Brahmin families. This mentality still prevails) and a dalit maid (sadly, dalits are considered as ‘untouchables’ even now) working in Rajaswamy’s family; secondly, how the Indian Government treats the black-skinned people thinking each one of them is involved in drug business and thirdly, the political conditions of Nigeria which is resulting in deportation of the Indians from there.
The ending is quite unusual and unexpected which the author has knitted very well.
A MUST READ ! It will hit the Indian market sometime around October this year.
7 EASY WAYS a Woman Gets Attracted To a Man
Posted by Sangeeta on May 10, 2008
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Attraction and love always happen at ‘first sight’ and if this first sight is not up to the mark, then, it becomes the ‘last sight’. As a ‘first sight’, what makes a woman get attracted to a man?
(1) Your physical features - Tall or short; dark or fair; bald or otherwise; sharp facial features or dull; fat or thin; heavy set or light set? Handsome or loathsome?
(2) Your dress - Ethical or traditional or modern or a cocktail of all three? Casual or formal?
(3) Your way of talking - How fluent you are in the language you are talking (especially English)? Do you stammer? Do you have wrong pronunciations? Can you turn people’s attention to you while talking? Do you use quite a lot of body gestures while talking? Do people get impressed when you talk? Do you have a habit of repeating yourself? Are you shy and only open your mouth after being repeatedly asked?
(4) Your behaviour with others - Do you have ‘an angry young man’ image or ‘cool sober dude’ image? Do you respect elders? How you behave with children? Are you unnecessarily and irrationally rough and harsh to others? Do others like the way you behave?
(5) Way you carry yourself - Whatever you are, do you carry yourself high in the society? Do you have a high self-esteem about yourself? Does your style of walking reflect the person you actually are? Do you have an air around you or do you reflect a hidden pride in you?
(6) Your house and your car - Is the house you are living in, your own? Can you afford your own house and car? Is the car, in which you move around, yours? Will you be able to maintain these throughout?
(7) Your eating - Is your choice of food a good one? Are you finicky with food? Do you love to eat or simply hog? Are you open to all types of cuisines found in the world? Do you have good taste? Do you know restaurant and table manners?
STUDENTS under tremendous STRESS (III) – this time every year – how will they fare in the CLASS XII BOARD RESULT
Posted by Sangeeta on May 8, 2008
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This is the last part. In part II of this article, we had gathered a rough idea about the scenario regarding Class X Board Result. Let’s now find out what happens during the long wait for CBSE Class XII Board result.
Again, for example, let’s take the case of a student….Mohan. Mohan has appeared the CBSE Class XII Board Examination this year in Science. He is highly tensed up as to what would be his result; how much percentage he will land up with.
To explain his worries, I am writing this in the first form - ‘I’ supposing I am Mohan.
- I don’t want to pursue with Science further. I was under family pressure to study Science (non-medical) and it has made me miserable.
- My favourite subject throughout had been Geography. Will I get admission in a college where I can major in Geography?
- What will my percentage be? Good colleges will at least require 85%. Will I get it knowing I am not so strong in Science subjects?
- Can I change to Geography from Science? Will the colleges give me a chance?
- How do I tell my family that I want to further pursue my studies with Geography? I know, when I tell them, they will literally catch me by the throat. What do I do?
- Only my uncle understands my situation. If I request him to talk to my family, will it bring any positive result?
- If I don’t get Geography, what do I do? Shall I then go for some professional degree like CA, Law, etc?
- I don’t like to spend all my time on studies; then, will I be a success with such professional degrees?
- I personally don’t like Commerce; I am a typical Arts student. What other subjects can I take if I am not offered Geography?
- If my family does not lend me a ear, then I will be compelled to study with Science. What to do? I don’t like Physics or Chemistry.
- If not Geography, I would not mind taking History or Sociology or Political Science. Again, will the colleges give me a chance?
- Someone in my family is suggesting I go for a degree in Hotel Management. I am not at all interested in this line. How will I make this person understand?
- Shall I give up studies and go for a job? If I cannot study my favourite subject, it is better I start working.
- Where job in India is concerned, I know if I am just XII pass, no good company will hire me. The only quick and fast option is joining Call Centres. Can I make my family agree knowing that they are totally against it?
These and many other questions related to choosing any subject pop up in the minds of thousands of students like Mohan who find themselves in a dilly-dally situation.
Why are they not allowed to study what they like? After all, they have to think about their career and their life.
It is really a sorry state of affairs!!
10 WAYS YOU FEEL REJECTED BY YOUR SPOUSE
Posted by Sangeeta on May 7, 2008
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(1) Your spouse does not give you quality time any more.
(2) Your spouse does not discuss or have stopped discussing anything with you anymore.
(3) Your spouse keeps himself busy with office work.
(4) Your spouse does not even talk to you properly.
(5) You feel that your spouse is physically present in front of you but mentally, he is somewhere else.
(6) Your spouse has lost his interest to sleep with you.
(7) Your spouse has stopped having hearty lunch or dinner with you.
(8) Your spouse behaves rudely and adamantly with you.
(9) Whenever you try to ask something, your spouse behaves he hasn’t heard you and tries to avoid you.
(10) Your spouse does not take you out on holidays any more.
8 WAYS TO HANDLE QUARRELS BETWEEN IN-LAWS
Posted by Sangeeta on May 5, 2008
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Say, you are married into a good family; your husband is a gem of a person; your in-laws love you like their daughter; you maintain a very good relation with everyone. Now, one thing bothers you which is slowly becoming a source of your tension. You find that your in-laws keep fighting and quarrelling with each other daily about every little issue. Initially, because you were new, you did not pay much attention to it but as time is passing by, you feel the need of doing something to stop them throwing mud at each other or accusing each other. You have also noticed that when their son (your husband) is at home, they become sober and if at all they have to fight, they do so in their bedroom in low voices.
Here are some tips which you can follow to bring back sanity in the house:-
(1) Don’t lose your patience : as you are the only one in the house throughout the day, only you can solve the problem with patience.
(2) No outbursts of anger : it is easy to say but difficult to follow. Still, you must keep a check on your anger and restrain yourself from telling something hurtful to them. Getting angry will not stop their fights.
(3) Discuss with your husband : after all, he is the son and he knows his parents much better than you. Also, he should not forget that he is responsible towards his parents. So, talk to him, discuss with him as to what can be done to stop the daily fights. Involve him (he should not give the excuse that he is busy with his work and he has no time to look into such matters of concern).
(4) Take help of relatives : when the situation goes out of hand, take help of those relatives of the in-laws who, you feel, can make your in-laws understand and can come out with solutions.
(5) Keep certain aspects in mind : one cannot really change another - so, you cannot change the nature and character of your in-laws; to top it, they are old and if you tell them anything, they will feel offended. So, instead of trying to totally change the situation, what you can do is bring down the temperature whenever they fight by talking about something else.
(6) Play the role of a counsellor : if you know that they really like you and will listen to you, then, counsel them separately but keep one thing in mind, don’t take side of one and talk bad about the other.
(7) Don’t talk about it outside the house : don’t go about discussing with your neighbours as to what’s happening. If your neighbours know about it already (via your maidservants and driver), see to it that they don’t interfere. The prestige of the house should never be at stake.
(8) Don’t involve your parents or siblings in it : if you do so, it is wrong. You should know that your parents or siblings have their own problems to handle; to top it, your in-laws’ problems will be a burden on them and they will unnecessarily worry about you or they may tell your husband or in-laws something which may leave a bad taste in their mouth.
STUDENTS under tremendous STRESS (II) – this time every year – how will they fare in the CLASS X BOARD RESULT
Posted by Sangeeta on May 2, 2008
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You now have some idea about the Indian education system (read part I of this article - first paragraph - ‘In India……..courses’).
Students in lacs have appeared the CBSE Class X Board Examination this year and are waiting anxiously, rather tensely, for the result to be disclosed end May.
Why tension? Why stress? - they have worked hard; they know how they have attempted the exam; they have a fair idea how much they will score according to their performance; still why……………….?
After analyzing this issue deeply and closely, the following points always seem to be the basic reasons for their tension and stress :
(1) Parental pressure - expecting too much from their child without actually looking into the pros and cons as to how the child fares in studies and coming out with solutions. Instead, continuously blaming their child for his/her very low performance.
Result - if the marks percentage is bad, suicide attempts (and actually taking place) or leaving a note saying that they could not keep up to the expectations of their parents or just leaving the house, is becoming a common thing. If the marks percentage is average, then the reaction is ‘thank God’ plus too much of scolding and bantering from parents. If the marks percentage is very good, then in most cases, then, the credit goes to the parents.
(2) Parental and family pressure - to chose the stream (Arts or Commerce or Science) of their choice. Hardly the student is allowed to decide on her/his own as to which stream to go for; if at all the student is allowed to do so or the student becomes adamant in taking a stream of her/his choice, then parents and family try to talk him/her out of it in an indirect way. Some students buckle down under this pressure and to keep a peaceful atmosphere in the family, do exactly what they are told to do, tearing and chewing down their own dreams with a pinch of salt.
Result - Mostly the students end up taking the wrong stream; frustration and depression sets in and after somehow passing Class XII, they lose all their interest in further studies.
(3) Syllabus pressure - The main subjects for this Class X Board Examination are English, Hindi, Mother tongue, Social Studies (History, Geography, Political Science, Economics), Science (Physics, Chemistry, Biology) and Mathematics. The syllabus for every subject mentioned here are so huge that students are literally bogged down with books and studies. Some who are good in studies, somehow manages with it and some who are not at all good in studies, they sit to study for the sake of it.
Result - same as #1 mentioned above.
(4) Social pressure - the students feel that they will be laughed at their incapability for not being able to perform well and keeping up to the expectations. They also feel that because of them, their family members will be pointed at.
Result - Suffering from more tension and stress, unnecessarily.
17 ASPECTS of how to be a GOOD MOTHER
Posted by Sangeeta on May 2, 2008
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Any woman can be a mother but only few fall in the category of ‘good mother’. The following are some simple but very important aspects of being a good mother:-
(1) Teach your children family traditions and values : a very important and a must aspect which your children must learn. After all, everyone has to live in a family and certain ethics are naturally expected.
(2) Spend quality time with your children : you are working or not working do not make any difference. You have to find out some time for your them. Try to balance your family life and work life - this will solve 80% of the problems.
(3) Maintain a friendly relation with your children : do not always have the ‘I am the mother’ attitude. Be their true and closest friend. This way, they will not go about discussing their problems with others - they will always come to you for advice.
(4) Make your children independent : teach them how to handle certain situations (fights with friends, light scolding from teachers, etc) by themselves and not cry and crib every time they face the situations.
(5) Inculcate confidence in your children : teach them how they should handle failures, not get bogged down by them and move ahead in life.
(6) Make your children self-sufficient : they should not run to people every time they need or require something. Tell them that ‘self-help is the best help’ and the more they practice it, the better.
(7) Teach your children self-respect : not only respecting others (young and old alike), they should respect themselves also. They should know that it is a very important side of character and they must nurture it.
(8) Inculcate moral sense in your children : tell them how bad it is to lie; how harmful it is to harm someone; how lowly is the act of taking something from someone without asking the person; how hateful they will be to hurt someone; how lowly it is to fight or quarrel with someone; how disrespectful it is of not listening to the elders.
(9) Listen intently to what your children have to say : this is a very important aspect; because you are the mother, it does not mean you will only keep imposing yourself on them and make them do or listen to what you have to say. They may want to say something to you or discuss something with you. Lend patient ears.
(10) Teach your children to share their problems with you and vice versa : they/you may be facing mental, physical, family related, job related problems - sharing these will relieve the tension.
(11) Teach your children to appreciate others : as they would like to be appreciated, they should also know how to appreciate others and not get jealous about the others’ achievements.
(12) Handle sibling jealousy effectively : many mothers do not bother about it and think that when the children will grow up, everything will be alright. Totally wrong! You should always be aware whenever a rift between siblings take place and try to curb their jealousy as effectively and as quickly as possible. Sibling jealousy gives rise to rivalry which in turn, may have very negative effects on the whole family.
(13) Be a good parent to your children : do not give them a chance to say otherwise; they will bear grudges and at every opportune moment, will try to hit back at you.
(14) Handle Stress, aggression and obstinacy in your children effectively : if the children are stressed out too much, it may lead to aggressive and obstinate behaviour. Talk to them, take action immediately and make them feel that you are always there for them and that they need not allow stress and tension nest in their life.
(15) Handle teenagers smoothly : this is the time when your teenagers go through emotional turmoils which may either result in positives or negatives. Handle them carefully and deftly.
(16) Maintain positive attitude with your children : no matter how worried you are, how tensed and stressed up you are - you must have positive attitude towards your children. But, do not go overboard with it; then, it will start giving negative results.
(17) Discuss personal issues with your children : give them correct ideas about puberty, sex, pregnancy. You should not feel reluctant to discuss these with them; instead if they have any problem or want to know something, they should ask you openly. Many mothers avoid these issues saying that the children will learn themselves when they grow up and that they feel shy discussing these with their children.
